i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
