I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
