My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
