I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
