Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
