Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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