your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
