so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
