So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
