She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
