I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
