After last night, I could never be a politician.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
