I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
