Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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