I think my fart just growled at me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
