Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
