my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
