One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
