I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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