Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
