Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
