Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
