sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
