Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
