smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
