before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
