I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
