Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
