the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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