I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
