I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
