I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
