haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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