The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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