Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
