I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
