i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
