You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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