I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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