tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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