Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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