I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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