Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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