I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
NoShamevember. You game?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
