my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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