This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
