did you get engaged???
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
