so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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