Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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