so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
