Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
