god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think my fart just growled at me.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
