You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
