Me. At least after what I've been through.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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