Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
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i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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