Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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