I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
