Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
