Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
