you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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