Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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