i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
