there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
