I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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