fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
