jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
