I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
