there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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