he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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