we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
this is an emotional support booty call
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
