It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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