I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
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DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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