This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
be right there i have to get my cape
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
