the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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