Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
